Generally speaking, I think I am a happy person. However, sometimes I get really depressed with the state of existence that I inhabit. There is nothing noteworthy or significant in this very unremarkable history of a guy like millions of other guys.
To be sure, I have nothing to complain about. Everything is well taken care of. Health, family, profession, material wealth - all are present in abundance. Indeed, often I think of myself as a very lucky person. Yet often I find I am not happy. Or at least I am not as happy as I could be.
What would make me happier? I have tried to analyze this problem, hoping to find a solution. I am an introvert, so most times I am happy just being with myself. Indeed, I am most often happier by myself than in company. But really, deep down, I think I have become very lonely. I have been told I come across as arrogant and aloof. Aloof, yes, certainly. I don't try to influence or change things or people's thoughts beyond a point. So maybe loneliness is what prevents me from perfect happiness. What else? The lack of a goal - something big and meaningful to look forward to. Something to stop me from just drifting along - something to propel the oars of life's boat along the sea of events that make up every moment. What else? Courage. The courage to stand up and make a difference. Or at least the courage to tell it like it is. What else? Generosity. I try to be unselfish, and to help people close to me. I am the guy who always will volunteer to suffer adverse conditions so that my loved ones can be comfortable. Yet I dont think anyone notices this enough to let me know that it is making a difference. Perhaps the aloofness comes in the way of good intent.
I don't believe that I can change anything about myself now - after all, I'm in the mid thirties, my hair have grayed, and the best part of my life is done. So what is the solution? How can I be happier more often than I currently am? Do I really care enough about myself to try to be happier? Or am I just a lucky guy who is too lazy to turn fortune into an enduring legacy?
We shall never know.
To be sure, I have nothing to complain about. Everything is well taken care of. Health, family, profession, material wealth - all are present in abundance. Indeed, often I think of myself as a very lucky person. Yet often I find I am not happy. Or at least I am not as happy as I could be.
What would make me happier? I have tried to analyze this problem, hoping to find a solution. I am an introvert, so most times I am happy just being with myself. Indeed, I am most often happier by myself than in company. But really, deep down, I think I have become very lonely. I have been told I come across as arrogant and aloof. Aloof, yes, certainly. I don't try to influence or change things or people's thoughts beyond a point. So maybe loneliness is what prevents me from perfect happiness. What else? The lack of a goal - something big and meaningful to look forward to. Something to stop me from just drifting along - something to propel the oars of life's boat along the sea of events that make up every moment. What else? Courage. The courage to stand up and make a difference. Or at least the courage to tell it like it is. What else? Generosity. I try to be unselfish, and to help people close to me. I am the guy who always will volunteer to suffer adverse conditions so that my loved ones can be comfortable. Yet I dont think anyone notices this enough to let me know that it is making a difference. Perhaps the aloofness comes in the way of good intent.
I don't believe that I can change anything about myself now - after all, I'm in the mid thirties, my hair have grayed, and the best part of my life is done. So what is the solution? How can I be happier more often than I currently am? Do I really care enough about myself to try to be happier? Or am I just a lucky guy who is too lazy to turn fortune into an enduring legacy?
We shall never know.
4 comments:
Maybe you need to go to the Kumbh Mela to find the answer..... just like we promised ourselves exactly 12 years back... Oh! the times they have flown... i still remember the impulsive and tough train ride from Delhi to Allahbad....
Nitin
you bet dude! that was something else...
are you going?
Nope does not look like... the trivialities of life has caught up...
Agree with all the reasons you have pointed out. The biggest one I think is lack of meaning/purpose. If I could find more meaning to my life, I feel that I would also be less lonely and more generous ( I do think I am sufficiently brave !)
So how to find this meaning ? Its certainly not too late to give up though. I think we have our best years ahead having checked most of conventional boxes like degree, job, shaadi and kids.
Post a Comment