I have been stuck in a dilemma for quite some time now. Today there was significant progress in solving the issue.
The issue was simple - what does one do when your constraints and your dearest friend's constraints do not reconcile with each other? I think in an ideal world the answer would be - you talk it out and work out a mutually acceptable solution.
However this world is far from ideal. Therefore all earlier attempts at problem solving have been inconclusive. Today I found out that the rigidity of both parties was leading to an unfortunate communication breakdown - we were hiding things from each other which we thought would not be acceptable to the other person. Strange how we behave when we are afraid.
So we decided to resolve the issue. We prioritised together what both want out of life. And found that our priorities were different.
Therefore we came to an agreement. We will both pursue our individual dreams.
As I grapple with the after-effects of this event, a few things occur to me:
1) Better pain in the short term than in the longer run
2) Perhaps it is not necessary to find happiness in a end result (since circumstances may push it outside your reach). Perhaps the best way to find happiness is to look for it in the here and now.
3) Perhaps its better to let things settle down a bit before coming up with a point of view on them. Maybe our first reactions are not our best reactions!!
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8 comments:
you write as a very mature person.now your dilemma will be solved because you are facing it like a man! good going .keep it up!
v
Fear is as powerful as love, if not more. Most of the negative feelings (hate, insecurity, violence etc.) are closely related to fear, often rooted in fear. Good to see that you've been able to face your fears.
Why do we almost celebrate break-ups as a courageous thing to do ? Sometimes I wonder if its more courageous to actually work out a relationship than put an end to it. Vishesh, this not a comment on your situation but an obervation on my own track record :))
Me
All your three points are very valid. Its almost always difficult to get out of the situation , you seem to be suggesting , and leads to the classic confrontation between the real self ( what if things had worked out... ) and the ideal self ( i am the master of my fate , i am the captain of my soul ) . Also there is the conservatism of "not being sure of whats in store next" that plays the devil. Invariably, things work out for the better in real life. Aand if one stands the test of time with conviction and courage, one could look back and say with pride - " Oh , i did that very well ".
i disagree with you here dude- "better pain in the short term" stuff
stop saving for tomorrow. the roof might very well fall on your head at midnite.
rest makes sense.
yaar, i am too bored with all this love shove stuff now. too hassling. and have gotten too inured also.
why can't we just have well-meaning necking time to time without all this jhamela (note; ain't even asking for sex)!
saini saab jo baat kah gaye, itnee badee baat kah gaye ki mere ko to samajh nahi aayaa.
yaar life mein jo hota hai, woh single hi hota hai. post-hoc rationalization mein to wohi case hai - ki glaas mein 50% paani hai. koi kahega ki 50% full hai (everything worked out for the best) and vice versa. jo nahi hua woh bhai koi kaise dekh sakta hai jo bolde ki "things work out for the better in real life".
and regarding the last point, things work out even better in imaginary life, saini saab! you get to sleep with better babes in your fantasies...
aur hai, confrontation bhi mujhe bahut classic nahi laga, thoda sa B grade type zyada tha.
gullu bhai!
you seem to have developed a cynical and 'worldly' view on things in general!! but i agree fully with you that what distinguishes humans from other animals is our desire for sex (for sex's sake) and our capacity to be creative (in individual capacities). The implication of this is truly liberating - do what you want in life and damn the rest!! (as long as you are consistent with the 2 objectives listed above). Very liberating!!!
bland spice.. i cant see what your point is
1) whether you thought the confrontation is classic or not, is really not important
2) thing work out for the better , than what one imagines they would at the time of facing such a crisis...
also i think better pain in the short term is a very valid point... why dont you go and shoot the prime minister... i am sure it would be very entertaining in the "short run"... one of course has to think relatively long term and tamper ones thoughts/action with a Rational Cost Benefit Analysis...
i must say i found mr. spices comment quite cynical ... but to each his own !!
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