1) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day
2) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
3) It is darkest before dawn. That's the best time to steal your neighbour's newspaper
4) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes!
5) Warning sign on a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use
6) Instructions on a Chinese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids: LIE DOWN ON BED AND SLOWLY INSERT POSCOOL UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET
7) Market definition: Bear market: a 6-8 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex
8) Market correction: the day after you buy stocks
9) Institutional investor: someone who sells a stock big time a day or two after you have bought it, for no apparent reason
10) From an engineering exam:
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